When Christmas Reveals the Truth About Our Relationships and how that shows in The Holiday
- Dec 18, 2025
- 3 min read
Updated: May 17
A Thought from a Christmas Classic
'The Holiday'
Christmas has a way of revealing when a relationship no longer fits.
Christmas is my favourite time of the year. I love my tree, the decorations I have been collecting since I was born and each one has a special meaning or a reminder of a place. I love the lights, presents, being with family, and I love the Christmas movies. I’ve been writing a series over the last week of what we can learn from my favourite Christmas films. The one I wrote on The Holiday struck a chord with many, so I’m going to share it here, for it to resonate for longer than the time it stays on socials. Many relationships end over Christmas and it’s no surprise. We imagine everyone having cosy nights in, having fun at Christmas parties together, going on family excursions to see Santa. And if that’s not you, it only highlights what’s missing close to home:
A lack of connection in a long-term relationship.
Family feuds that can be ignored the rest of the year.
The questions about where the children will be, and whether you’ll end up on your own.
The pressure to be Superhuman at home and work, to get everything done and often feeling unsupported.
The Holiday captures this beautifully through two very different responses to hurt. Amanda protects herself through control. She stays busy, capable, and emotionally contained. If she doesn’t feel too much, she can’t be disappointed.
Iris protects herself by giving too much. She stays loyal, hopeful, and endlessly accommodating. If she gives enough, maybe she’ll finally be chosen.
Neither of them is wrong.
They’re just using different strategies to stay safe.
And many of us recognise ourselves somewhere in that.
I’ve lived versions of it too.
I’ve been in Iris energy as Chair of the PTA and a volunteer in other spaces that took a lot of energy at Christmas Time. I’ve also sat waiting for a partner to prioritise me at Christmas. Year after year I waited for something special, but Christmas really wasn’t his thing, and he was more interested in keeping everyone else happy. So, I felt sad and tolerated it for a few years before we broke up.
You may have gone into Amanda energy as your strategy; we are all different.
Relationships often end from what appears to be a result of Christmas, but this is usually long after the first cracks appears. We stay because it feels safer than changing. Until staying costs more than leaving. The Holiday reminds us that change doesn’t always come gently, or when we ourselves choose. Sometimes it takes distance, disruption, or a moment of clarity to see what we’ve been avoiding. Christmas doesn’t cause these truths. It simply brings them into the light. And while that can be painful, it can also be the beginning of something better to come. A chance to notice when protection has turned into a prison, and to choose something kinder for ourselves, even when it’s frightening.
If this has stirred something for you, you don’t need to decide anything right now.
You don’t need to fix it.
You don’t need to confront it.
You don’t need to make a plan.
Sometimes the most important first step is simply allowing yourself to notice:
What feels heavy
What you’re tolerating
What you keep hoping will change
Without judgement.
Without pressure.
Clarity rarely arrives all at once. It comes in small moments of honesty, over time.
If relationships feel complicated for you this Christmas, you’re not alone.
You’re not failing.
You’re just paying attention.
Jenny Jarvis - Head of People Transformation at Q Branch.
Mindset and people development specialist. Jenny helps founders, teams and organisations unlock what’s holding them back, strengthen relationships, and lead with more confidence, clarity and momentum.
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Email Me:jenny@qbranch.consulting
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