What does a ‘good’ mindset look like when everything is falling apart?
- Apr 30
- 4 min read
Life is falling apart, how can I have a good mindset? What even is it?
It’s a question I’ve been mulling over the last few weeks, because it’s when life is at its toughest that our way of thinking is truly tested.
I know that if I hadn’t done the work I have over the last 5–10 years, I would be in a much darker place right now.
But there’s a flip side to all of this.
“Mindset work” can very quickly tip into toxic positivity. The kind where you tell yourself everything is fine and power through… when it very clearly isn’t.
That’s not helpful. In fact, it can make things worse.
So I’ve been doing some soul searching, looking at what’s actually different when things are hard.
And what I’ve realised is this:
I don’t aim for a positive mindset in tough times. I aim for a movement mindset.
But isn’t it OK to stop?
Yes. Absolutely.
This isn’t about pushing through no matter what.
It’s about how you stop.
There’s a big difference between:
consciously stepping back, creating space, doing something that supports your wellbeing
and
shutting down while your mind is still running at full volume, telling you that you should be doing more, should be pulling yourself together, questioning everything, and keeping you stuck there for days.
One restores you. The other drains you.
What movement actually looks like
Movement doesn’t mean productivity.
On hard days, movement might be:
getting a shower
brushing your teeth
eating something
replying to one message
Calling a friend
If that’s what you’ve got in you, that counts.
The important part is that it’s acknowledged as a win.
Because that’s what keeps you from tipping into “nothing I do is enough”.
The ‘just one thing’ approach
One of the things that helps me most is what I call my “just one thing” process.
On the darker days, the bar is simple:
If I can do just one thing, it’s been a successful day.
That one thing might be:
writing an email
editing part of a podcast
reading a chapter of a book
putting the washing on
It doesn’t matter what it is. It matters that you did something.
Because that keeps you in motion.
Stuck vs Moving: the difference that matters
When things are tough, I notice there are two very different patterns we can fall into.
A stuck mindset
Keeps you in the problem
Focuses on why this is happening
Circles the same thoughts
Waits to feel better before doing anything
A movement mindset
Focuses on the next step
Takes small actions, not big reactions
Looks for a way forward (however small)
Allows you to feel what you feel, and still move in some way
This isn’t about getting it right all the time.
It’s about noticing when you’re stuck—and gently shifting.
Some shifts that help me
These are the small mindset shifts I come back to again and again:
1. It’s not about being positive
Instead of:
“I’m fine, I’ve got this”
Try:
“What do I need right now?”
2. Momentum over mood
Instead of:
“I’ll do it when I feel better”
Try:
“I can rest, and take one small step”
3. Make it smaller
Instead of:
“This is too much”
Try:
“What’s the next small step?”
4. Don’t make it mean something about you
Instead of:
“This proves I’m not good enough”
Try:
“This is something I can handle—with support”
5. Allow the wobble
Instead of:
“I shouldn’t feel like this”
Try:
“This is a tough moment”
6. Stay in motion
Instead of:
“If I can’t do it properly, what’s the point?”
Try:
“Something is better than nothing”
7. Build flexibility
Instead of:
“This isn’t how it’s supposed to go”
Try:
“What needs to change so this still moves forward?”
This is how I got through hard things
Not by being relentlessly positive.
But by:
staying in motion
adjusting when needed
taking small steps
asking for support
and allowing space to rest
All at the same time.
It Takes Practice!
And it takes practice. I still have the "I'm totally useless and nothing ever goes right" moments. I still feel as though I'm stuck in a loop of other people's curve balls where I have to pick up the pieces and that feels unfair. But I've noticed, if I spend a day feeling sorry for myself, it's just a day. I allow that time. Then I go into movement. Just one thing that I can do so life doesn't collapse around me.
If you feel stuck, it's not surprising. The world can feel heavy right now. But I have the skills and the tools to help you in the way they have helped me. Are you up for the challenge? Or is it more comfortable to stay stuck?
If you want to remind yourself of these tweaks to your mindset from stuck to moving, you can download the PDF below.
Find Out More..
Jenny Jarvis
Jenny is a life coach, NLP practitioner, and the host of two impactful podcasts, The Drama Dialogues and Leading Boldly. Her passion lies in empowering individuals and organisations to break free from limiting beliefs, embrace their full potential, and lead with confidence.
As the co-founder of Q Branch Consulting Limited, which she runs alongside her husband Matt Clutterham, Jenny works with small and medium-sized enterprises (SMEs) to drive bold transformations. Her unique approach combines expertise in NLP, Constellation Therapy, and life coaching, helping business owners stand out, be bold, and achieve sustainable growth in both their business and personal life.
Through her podcasts and her book, Life’s Just One BIG Drama, Jenny shares valuable insights and engaging conversations on leadership, emotional intelligence, and personal transformation. With a blend of compassion, candour, and a no-nonsense attitude, she strives to be a trusted guide for those ready to step into their power and make bold moves toward success.
If you enjoyed and found value in the free content I produce and want to say thanks - Why not Buy me a Coffee.
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